Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Lois and Lana to the Death!

I've been trying to figure out if the Smallville writers are going to try and bring Lana (Kristin Kreuk) Lang back for the final season. It would be a bit challenging, since being "Kryptonite Girl" makes her an automatic threat to Clark's life. In fact, it would have made more sense for her to show up toward the end of Season 9 when Zod and his Kandoran crew were being such a pain in the ass. She'd have made short work of the lot of them, just by hanging around.

But enough of logic.

I have a vision. It's a crazy vision (most of them are), but it's compelling and I thing it would be pleasing to the fans, even the "Clois contingent".

Remember, young Lex-clone is growing up fast. With or without Michael Rosenbaum, Lex is bound to make a comeback before the final curtain falls on Season 10. We also know that Lex has a strong tendency for little known, sneaky contingency plans.

And remember, for all intents and purposes, Lex "made" Kryptonite Girl.

What if some implant or biochemical process or something enables Lex, at the right time, to take control of Lana? Lex originally created the process to make himself both superpowerful and kryptonite laden, so he could defeat Clark. Controlling Lana would be the next best thing.

If Clark were to get a message from Lana saying she was in trouble and needed to see him, devotion to Lois aside, Mr. Super-loyal boy scout would run to her side in a "flash", just for old time's sake.

Except it's a trap (Clark always falls for traps when a little peek ahead with X-ray vision and a little advanced listening with superhearing would have saved him a world of hurt). Lana catches him in a room and gives him a big bear hug before he can escape. She's more or less as fast and as strong as Clark, so she could hold on to him long enough for his powers...and his life, to drain away.

Whatever could save our boy so he could live long enough to don the big, red cape?

Why, Lois of course.

She'd have to find some advanced Army Exo-skeleton or Tess would have to turn her on to some other secret Luthor powered armor project, but whatever it was and where ever it came from, Lois puts it on and speeds to Clark's rescue.

From here, a battle royal ensues between two super powerful females, both of whom, Clark as "known Biblically". This is a fact that Lana could bring to Lois's attention, just to make her feel insecure, and hoping a moment's hesitation would turn the tide of the fight.

While the episode was airing, CW could conduct a thumbs up poll between Clois and Clana fans, with each group cheering for their favorite super-femme. Smallville could shoot two different endings, one where Lana wins by creaming Lois and finishing off Clark, and one where Lois polishes off Lana, then goes off and cleans Lex's cloned clock.

Who would win? The suspense would be terrible. The show's ending would be totally up to the fans!

OK, that won't work. If the Clana fans won, the show would be over before Season 10 ended and, after all, we all know Clark is supposed to end up being Superman by the final reel.

A more "realistic" (and I can't believe I'm using that word and "Smallville" in the same breath) ending for the episode is that Lois really smacks Lana a good one and disengages whatever control Lex-clone has over her.

Realizing the horrible thing she was about to do, Lana runs off to find and kill Lex, but naturally, he'll have planned an escape just for such a circumstance.

Just imagine though, how the Clois vs. Clana fans would love seeing the two of them duke it out, going toe to toe, nail to nail, dominatrix whip to dominatrix whip...but I digress.

How about an email campaign to the Smallville writers making this a "strong suggestion"?

No? Oh well. Still time enough to make it into a Smallville feature motion picture then.

Oh, and I couldn't find any really appropriate "super-powered" Lois and Lana images on the web, so I settled for a couple of other "interesting" poses by Kristin Kreuk and Erica Durance. Enjoy

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