Smallville: The Dating Show

I sometimes forget that Smallville is a science fiction/adventure show about a young visitor from another planet who, through numerous life experiences, is progressing his way towards becoming the world's greatest hero. If I blink and miss the superpowered part, I'd probably assume I'm watching a teenage romance show. When I see some of tweets Smallville fans post on twitter, I'm sure of it.

It seems like there's some sort of obsession about which characters should hook up with which characters among the fans. While the relationship between Clark (our resident alien) and Lois is classic within the Superman mythos, many other relationships have suggested themselves and in fact, have played out over the years. I want to put all that aside for one moment and have a little fun. What about the relationships that were never mentioned? Why haven't we gotten more adventurous? Is there an underlying or hidden subplot we've been missing all this time?

Clark and Lex

You have to admit, it seems sort of obvious. They had a tight friendship from the very beginning, and keep in mind, when they first met, Lex was in his early 20s and Clark was 15 years old. I can see it now. Older, wealthy, charsimatic man entices young, naive high school student into his posh love nest. Admit it. This has crossed your mind, too.

Clark and Ollie

I know that both of the characters and the actors who play them are straight, but some of these photos make it look otherwise. Ollie is about Lex's age, so the same age dynamic fits, but they met later in life, when Clark was a bit more mature (and had already made his way through Lana). Of course, while money can't buy happiness, it can buy plenty of pleasure and I'm sure Ollie knows how to show a boy a good time. After all. There must be some reason all of Ollie's (cute name) relationships with women go south.

Lois and Tess

When I saw Lois and Tess rolling around on top of each other while on the floor of the basement of the Daily Planet (right before Lois was transported to the future at the end of Season 8), I said to myself, "Things could really get interesting, here". Unfortunately, Lois had the bad sense to put on the time-travelling Legion flight ring and ruin my fantasy, but back to the analysis.

Both Tess and Lois are dynamic, strong personalities so it would be a contest to see who would be able to dominate who. Tess is older and more devious, but did you check out that dominatrix outfit Lois was sporting when she took on Darkseid (and lost) earlier this season? Wow! She fit the role a little too well.

Kara

Speaking of dominatrix, remember the outfit Clark's cousin was wearing in the Phantom Zone? It just screams "spank me" leather. I know Clark and Kara are cousins but seriously...I'd hit that.

While I was searching for the appropriate images for my blog post, I came across this "Girls of Smallville" graphic at popart.com that I couldn't resist inserting. Can you guess who's who?

I hope Smallville doesn't get too mired in the whole romance/sex subplots on their way to turning Clark Kent into Superman. I know there are more than few fans who watch the show especially for its romantic (and shirtless) elements and frankly, I like seeing Lois in a tight dress too, but this is a show about Superman. Say it with me: "Superman". When he's called the "Man of Steel", that's not an invitation to look at Clark's crotch. Up, up, and away.